We’re all familiar with the heat-check guy in basketball.

Process Server: Mr Manziel? You’ve just been served.

“You silly English pig-dogs! We know about your Brazilian midfielder and shall purchase him from you. I fart in your general direction!”

As someone who watches Coutinho play 40+ times/season, you never really walk away with the idea that the shots from distance are *bad.* The most jarring aspect of Coutinho’s hot/cold match-to-match juxtaposition is his tendency to be the offensive catalyst or be completely unremarkable with virtually no middle ground.

Thanks for the tip.

Have you been spying on me and the wife?!?!?

Went in face first, blindly fumbled around for a bit, and came out drenched yet happy.

Rookie Qualifications

I was totally on board with Deadspin’s conversion of phrases such as “stroked a dong” into sports lingo, until I started subconsciously inserting those phrases into conversation. That only works if everyone around me reads Deadspin. If I talk about baseball at work again, HR is going to intervene.

Hardcore UFC fans will sleep a lot easier tonight as soon as someone reads this to them.

Typical hotshot corner who thinks he doesn’t need a safety.

‘Academics’? What?

In a general sense, it’s abhorrent that someone could commit this crime and not automatically get life without parole. But I have a feeling that any parole board 25 years from now would take one look at the crimes and slam the “rejected” stamp on his application so hard it would break the table in half.

That's not how you play Knifey Spooney.

I’m surprised Baylor accepted that; everyone knows Ken Starr is not a fan of oral.

In this week’s SI, there’s a quote that really struck me:

[Univision] - that camera operator’s eyesight now.

That’s not a “technicality.”

Great, but we need a postal address to send the bag of dicks to.

And a cock assessed at three inches.