My two-year-old flower girl was not bad just... very precise. She thought she needed to set each petal down individually. After it took her a full minute to move one foot, someone explained to her that she was supposed to throw them so she dumped the whole basket and charged up the aisle to her mom.

Growing up we had rabbits. One particular genius refused to chew. My mother had to clip its fangs with dog toenail clippers so it didn't starve to death.

Once I called 911 because there was a person directly outside my building going to town on a van with a baseball bat. The dispatcher was like, "Is it your van? No? OK, then." and just completely checked out on me after that.

My kids inexplicably hate all Muppets but they adore Futurama so I am willing to overlook some things.

Meh, six year olds are not known for their good taste.

I tried pointing out to my kids that Q does a voice on My Little Pony, playing kind of the same character even, and they were NOT IMPRESSED.

This is way, way better than being proposed to at a lawyer's office after your boyfriend fucks up his work visa paperwork.

I have seen that commercial, what, a kajillion times? I just noticed it yesterday and it made me happy because I know having a campaign like that is a huge deal to a commercial actor.

No fair! We had no Clue Crew members in Chicago this year.

I want to see an online bitch off between the Allure Beauty Box ladies and the moms on Facebook trying to buy Frozen merch.

God I miss the Big E. And I have definitely eaten fried Kool Aid there as well.

My friends has this old ass cassette that was maybe put together by her dad that is titled "50's Teen Death Songs" We used to listen to it on road trips.

Bruise or a nosebleed. Even now, when the SpaceKid gets one I am like, "Overzealous nose picking or CANCER?! I bet it's CANCER. ARAGHAHAGAHA!"

I'm not even gonna lie. My brother-in-law was just at Disney with my niece and I was like, "BRING ME BACK WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND" because I had no idea it would be so hard to find an Elsa dress for my daughter's May birthday when I started looking three months ago.

I LOVE THEIR FACES!

Awww, I hope he finds a home soon. I'd be like, "Me! Me! Me!" but there's already not enough room in my bed at night.

I won't ever let him go! But maybe he can stop by for some lounging.

Floyd is hilarious. He falls into the shower with me at least once a week. You'd think he'd learn.

Well, I've already posted my dogs today so may as well. Here's Floyd