Reasons Why Beer is Better than Anybody:

I can't stop laughing along with this.

My older kid is five and I think I have finally managed to find a balance of meals that are kid friendly, yet still enjoyable to adults. This mainly involves taking out the kids' portion first then seasoning the shit out of the remainder.

That's OK. I know people who know how to find things.

It is on Netflix? I'll waste a few hours on that. My standards are low.

Is that like a skant?

Scarlett is so bad I only read it twice. Um.

Nothing specifically but I am always wary when downloading an app about what the permissions for that app actually are. So until the company spells out how they will use the access to my photos, I will remain suspicious.

So someone developed an app that gets women to send them pictures of their boobs? And no one thinks this is creepy? OK, got it.

I don't know why but I find the basketball hoop to be hilarious.

How about this? Being a mom is not a job but it is some goddamn fucking hard WORK.

No joke: As I approached my mid-December due date with the SpaceKid, my Canadian husband asked me if I could maybe hold on for a few more weeks. As a Christmas present I decided not to stab him in the face.

Nine years ago when I was switching apartments, our landlord came in to start painting the walls before we had fully moved our stuff out (we were still under lease) and THREW MY BLANKY AWAY.

I GOT THAT TURKEY PLATTER TOO!

THANK YOU. I swear I was so confused by everyone acting like this is new. I felt like I was having a stroke or something.

The worst part is, every time I'm chopping now my son will stand there and be like, "Make sure you pay attention this time."

My friends came over for dinner once and spent the entire time bitching about my shitty knives so for Christmas that year they gave me a super awesome chef's knife.

Back when the SpaceKid was a mere SpaceToddler he was playing in the bath when our idiot dog started barking at the sounds of our downstairs neighbors moving around like normal people do. My dog is stupid, this barking is kind of a problem with him. Without even looking up from his squeezy toys, the SpaceKid muttered…

Blue is the closest you can come the giving yourself synethesia! What does blue taste like? It tastes like blue!

1. Blue