I would make up songs to mine.

All I have to say is I am sorry. I am sure you are trying everything you can. We called my first the Screamapillar because he was either eating, sleeping, or screaming for the first three or four months of his life. One day a woman came into our office with her newborn who was just sitting there awake and cooing and I…

Next gift giving occasion, grace the little rugrats with one of They Might Be Giants several children's albums.

I was terrified that the SpaceKid would recognize the Marathon bombing as The Place that Gramma Lives. I mean, he gets anxious when we watch storm coverage of the northeast. So I asked him if he had any questions about what he had seen on the news and his answer was, "No..... Actually, I do have a questions about…

Eat something starchy before you go to sleep, take Excedrin and Vitamin Water Revive in the morning, find someone else to deal with your toddler the rest of that day.

So SWUG = Not giving a fuck + media attention?

Wow, that sucks. Especially the Half Acre beer part. But no really, fuck migraines.

I feel like an elderly person when I go get my scrips. Two asthma/allergy meds, an inhaler and HBC. Some of these are filled in 3 months batches. Throw in some insulin needles for my cat and I end up leaving the pharmacy with a giant shopping bag.

I wanna print this out and rub it all over my body.

I blame Pinterest for this. Just because you can make your own Cheeze Nips does not mean you should.

I once helped plan a bachelorette party where we all went to Queer Burlesque performance. It was a super fun show and half the people in the party were Gender or Media studies people so it went over real well for the group.

I'll just leave this here.

Not patched. One one year old did this to my husband's phone yesterday. Thankfully she only managed to spend two bucks.

You realize sidewalk 40s are filled with pee, yes?

It's like she doesn't have any bones! Uh-mazing.

Boxer face! BOXER FACE!

Seriously. I need a drink and a fireplace so I can angrily throw that drink into the fireplace. Then I need another drink. For drinking.

My cat will go. to. town. on a chocolate chip cookie. He will systematically lick the whole thing and when it starts to crumble and break up from being soggy, he'll eat the mess. Also, graham crackers, grilled cheese sandwiches, bacon.

I sing it to my daughter, which might be worse. I just can't help myself. I love doing the jazz hands when I sing "It's Wren!" at the end.

In 4th grade we had to do a little bio worksheet that listed all our favorite stuff. Every single girl in my class listed Full House as their favorite show except me. Mine was Married with Children. I am pretty sure my parents got a phone call for that one.