As someone who received her copy in the mail last week, I'd say Bronner's still has about 1000x more crazy inside than this. #scientologyholidaycatalog

Watcher in the Woods is terrifying, yo. To this day I avoid people named Karen. #scarymovies

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): That is a good idea in theory until you stay up until 4 am sewing a damn turtle costume that only results in tears when you try to put it on the child. So I hear. #godzillababy

@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: I want to know what is wrong with the 4% of people who DON'T think she's had surgery. #bradpittmotorcycleaccident

In college a friend had an N64 with Tetris in her room and I would spend hours in there playing. I would get so focused that I'd have people hold beer and cigarettes up to my mouth so I wouldn't have to pause or take my hand off the controllers.

Dinging Glee for Mr. Schue not noticing his wife's fake pregnancy or wondering why no one gets punished for the slushies is as pointless as complaining about the plot holes in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. #glee

@Lymed: Sadly, despite everyone telling me a should, I haven't gotten one. If that were the case I wouldn't be so paranoid but it's not like a shower drain is a rusty nail or anything, right? #webmd

@Ipomoea: I feel so, so, so very sorry for your loss. My condolences. #webmd

Say what you will about the interwebs but you cannot convince me that I am not currently dying of tetanus. I have a cut on my finger and my shoulder hurts. THE FACTS BEAR ME OUT!!!! #webmd

@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: While it's not mentioned above I just adore, ADORE digging out ingrown hairs. I am maybe a tad overzealous in my endeavors since the SpaceHusband won't let me do it any more.

@Dodai: Gasp! He told you, didn't he!!!

@FattyCatty: I thought I had a good Mom Look until the SpaceToddler started mimicking me when I did it, down to the head tilt and everything.

@thoughtthinker: I consider myself an avid cusser but I can't even figure out what half of these *** are supposed to mean. Well done, my friend. Well done.

@cantankasaurus rex: I did the same thing for the SpaceToddler. I ended up printing out the Top 100 lists for the previous 10 years and found that all the names I liked were on there. Damn you, Ethan, why'd you have to be so popular!

@likepenguins: For that, you get hearted.

@likepenguins: There certainly is and the Red Sox made their rookies wear the whole set for their annual hazing ritual.

@wankster: I think it's the way his voice cracks on "NOISE" that gets me. And of course the thunk at the end.

@flamesonthesideofmyface: Oh me too. I think my life has been changed forever by this phrase.

@EkaterinaBallerina: As a Smithie I find your brief anecdote about your friend to be HI-LARIOUS

@GirlFailer: #1? Really? Did you not hear "turkey pepperoni or REAL PORK SWINE" last week?