Heeeeeei, pessoaaaaal

yeah, sure, fine, okay.

MICHAEL BRADLEY’S SORT OF MILLING AROUND IN THERE SOMEWHERE, PROBABLY

Edit: NEVERMIND I read Wagner’s piece from earlier and totally get it now. Arena remains a fucking buffoon.

But BRUCE ARENA!!!! RETURN TO GREATNESS!!!!! JOZY ALTIDORE WILL FINALLY LIVE UP TO HIS PROMISE AFTER 64 YEARS OF INTERNATIONAL PLAY!!! WORLD CUP ELIMINATION ROUNDS HERE WE COME

He doesn’t need to apologize because 1) it’s impossible to let down anyone on the Knicks at this point (except Porzingis, maybe) and 2) his apology would be disingenuous anyway. At the risk of sounding cliche, none of these guys are ever actually sorry about using PEDs, they’re sorry they get caught. Noah just has the…

I don’t know that I would’ve posted that phone call out of embarrassment for the phone I was using. I’m sure it’s not that homeboy doesn’t know how to take screenshots so much as it is that his phone can’t take screenshots.

Carrot cake and red velvet cake are mediocre cake vessels for very good frostings. I don’t understand your lifestyle, but I accept it as a valid one.

I don’t know what the heck they’re made with, I’m just describing the general experience I’ve had while eating a wide variety of ice cream cakes. Every time I think it’s going to be different, I’m PROMISED this one, THIS CAKE will be better, Zaphod, this ice cream cake will finally prove you wrong!

I’m admittedly a cake purist. Grocery store sheet cakes are a waste of eggs, flour, and sugar.

Ice cream on top of a hot brownie I can’t argue, but ice cream cake ain’t that.

Nope. They’re all pretty much disgusting.

There’s an exceptionally morbid Tomsula lifehack somewhere in there about making stock out of the armbone, but I think it’s a little too dark for the affable hobo schtick.

Ice cream cakes are poor examples of both ice cream and cakes. Kids only like it because it has two of their favorite words in it, otherwise it’s like somebody hard froze the worst soft serve they could find and put a shitty screen print of whatever dumpy cartoon is momentarily en vogue on it.

I have no idea what Trump’s history as an athlete is (I assume it’s limited if it exists at all), but he’s the sort of man that gets 5 draft deferments and then insults a POW Vietnam veteran by saying he “likes people that weren’t captured,” if that answers your question.

I can’t tell if he’s a likable goober that’s just havin’ a great time runnin’ his dad’s goshdarn football team or an aspiring corporate Machiavellian bilking the city of Las Vegas out of a billion dollars. It’s probably both? His haircut is bad, anyway.

“Just say the word, girl, I got you.”

that certainly would’ve been an interesting Twist

You know, my natural inclination is generally to say “fuck their publicly traded bullshit,” mostly due to the smugness with which they wield it. BUT the truth is that there needs to be NFL equivalent to Bastille Day where the peasants rise up and TAKE the teams back from the owners, forcing them ALL to be publicly…

I can’t