I thought I was the only one who poured milk into chocolate rabbits. I've been doing it since I was a kid. So yummy.

Am I the only person who likes Jordan almonds? (Which are totally not an Easter candy, btw.) Do I secretly hate them and just think I like them because we share a name, thus allowing me to refer to them as "me almonds," which is way more entertaining than it should be?

Oh the sugar egg dioramas... they were always such a Sophie's choice for me. I loved looking at them, and I wanted to put them up as decorations, but then... I was never allowed to have sugar. EVER. So even though the sugar used in them tasted like a diabetic alien five year old invented it, it still inevitably got…

My personal opinion is that you only eat Cadbury Creme Eggs if you have a strong desire to quickly put yourself in a sugar coma. Or in the event that they are the last sweet in the house and you have a craving.

Can we turn the trolls into hollow chocolate bunnies? That sounds like the most delicious form of bunny bombing yet.

I mean, gelt is a joke, though; you don't actually think we regard that as FOOD, do you? We just spring it on Jewish kids too young to know any better and on Christians in general just to fuck with them.

Wait I thought I was trolling him on marshmallow hate too. Did I do it wrong?

"BEHOLD. I bring you a MP'd Food Article and Thus, The Finest Trolls in the Universe. And the most offended fee-fees of foodies!"

True story, and SUPER-TMI:

The actual flavor of the purple Necco wafer is clove.

Peeps are basically God. Sorry.

Fuck that. So much effort. I'd prefer to just be rolled in wearing my ballgown on a standing gurney, Hannibal Lecter style.

Full disclosure: during my first year of waiting tables, I once spilled a ramican of blue cheese dressing all over a girl's hair. I felt AWFUL about it. I was amazed I got ANY tip at the end of that (and did not expect one). They were way, way nicer than I had any right to expect them to be.

Uuuuugh. I had an absolute nutter this weekend at the food court I work at. She was nicely dressed and didn't give off a 'crazy' aura, but she has to be the most demanding customer I've had at this job. She started off by ordering a two-patty, double-cheese, double-bacon hamburger with "two and a half fistfuls!" of…

This is a place for sharing stories about customers who don't listen - I'm not sure why you wrote a long post about how alter_ego can be a better phone salesperson, especially since she no longer works there.

I'm not sure why I'm attempting to defend myself here, but of course I'd offer the option of ordering online when we're out of stock. And you're obviously not aware of iPhone demand shortly after a release date if you think that this is a question of an idiotic store manager "letting" us run out, or just ordering…

My favorite are the customers who are under the impression that repeating a question with greater detail or volume will somehow change the answer. At least once a day working at Apple, I had this conversation:

These stories pretty much reinforce everything I remember about serving: older women are the worst fucking customers on the planet.