So you were being a responsible internet commenter until you weren’t responsible anymore. Pretty funny.

If only there had been a good bag with a gun to stop this senseless tragedy.

So Justin put a gun to Clover’s head and forced her to write about this faux controversy instead of the actual speech? How did Justin take anything away from Williams?

To be fair, the Padres have a solid history of supporting the homeless. Heck, their entire current roster is full of bums.

RUSADA, WADA, IAAF, IOC - whatever acronym or initialism you want to use, it’s all just a group of corrupt motherfuckers hiding behind really big letters. I’m going to start calling these groups RBL Organizations or RBLOs. Because all the big letters are for is to mislead the public and put a nice official stamp on…

The thing that really hurts is Aroldis’s girlfriend after he fucking hit her. You, internet troll, aren’t going to be the one to convince me pushing and shoving someone means you aren’t also hitting them.

I’m sorry, but are you stupid? What definition are you using where pushing and shoving isn’t hitting? If I take my two hands and push you right in your deformed pigeon chest, I’ve just “hit” you.

Won't have to stick around too long.

Why would the Cubs even want Chapman? There's no designated hitter in the NL...

Honesty it looked like Draymond was just reacting to LeBron walking over him and he was trying to push him off. In that instant it also just so happened that Lebron’s nutsack was in the same sliver of the universe that one of Draymond’s testicularly attracted appendages was in.

What I gather from this assuredly true story is that OJ knew in his heart of hearts he was an innocent man who would eventually reclaim his freedom and good name, so he was really more interested in listening to the play by play of a basketball game he had heavily bet on than turning himself in.

The current version of ProctorBot has a ton of blind spots though so this app may work until that gets patched up.

And it gets worse. Because of some arcane rule in the books, the NCAA is in the process of blocking his transfer to Heaven.

Sometimes I feel that being taught to “never raise your fist in anger” as a young child has put me at a distinct disadvantage in life, especially when I hear about shit going down like this. Do they teach kids to be especially violent during sporting events in European/Eurasian kindergartens - even fringe ones like…

I’m pretty sure you get royalty money even when you’re dead. Well, that’s according to the lawyer who did the contracts for all those dogs in the Sara McLachlan ASPCA commercial. I know it's sad but their families are well taken care of at the very least.

Sosa and McGwire are the perfect steroids poster boys. They never hit for average like Bonds, but because they were juiced, the balls they did hit went just a little farther than usual. Having 10-20 would be warning track pop outs turn into 10-20 extra dingers a year made them superstars and out hit their natural…

Steroids can make you bigger and stronger but they won’t help your control and suddenly make you accurately throw pitches in tight places. Arrieta is physically dominant but that’s only 10% of being a pitcher. Pitching in corners with the right spin and trajectory and all that other physics stuff is more important.…

Can we just stop this type of statement? “Wow 2015, just stop. It’s been brutal.” “Omg 2014, another celebrity died. People dying. Damn this shit sucks.”

This Curry injury sucks because I bet a friend a ton of money earlier this year with 3-1 odds that Lebron would never win a title in Cleveland - based on the assumption that the league would be the Warriors and Spurs schoolyard playground for the next half decade.

Because your team’s former pitching coach and pitching philosophy was garbage. In fact, your entire organization is garbage. Jim Palmer isn’t walking through that door, son.