There’s no Quito in Calderon.

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

It’s a bread bowl filled with a mix of things Midwesterners believe to be “I-talian.”

Bears fans are just Jets fans who prefer thick pizza...

“I hit the one in the middle!”

Going out on a limb: both Carl and the bear shit in the woods?

Whoever wrote it has never known someone with a serious addiction issue. They can go fuck themselves if they think the addict really wants to be that type of person.

I don’t know what they’re going to do about all the players recently out of UNC. None of those guys show up on tests.

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Fun fact: People who sanctimoniously harp on the small errors of others often lead successful, exciting lives.

Plus you can shove the tortillas up your ass.

That user name isn't fooling anyone, Vince.

Tough call for the ref to make.

I’m sick of all this Curry love in the NBA these days.

People are going to go apeshit when she awards a first down for advancing 7.8 yards.

"Is that a '26.2' tattoo?"

As a kid I shaved the chocolate butterfingers to make them "chicken nuggets" and scooped some ice cream as "mashed potatoes" for my dad when he got home from work.

My 1.5 year old smelled like she crapped her diaper.