Actually, if you don't count contributions to their cults, I mean, churches, conservatives give much, much less to actual, real charities.

Congratulations: you just became the 2016 GOP frontrunner.

If a libertarian was arguing with you about abortion, then they aren't a libertarian. A Libertarian supports an individual's right to an abortion. It doesn't affect anyone else, therefore it is nobody else's business

How many people just saw the word Ducktales and said "a-woo-oo!" out loud or in their heads?

Cigarettes are $25 a carton = dude has not been out of the house in over 15 years

I can't even pretend I understand what these questions mean, but I am going to assume they're important.

Impalpable?

When Peggy Lee passed she wasn't included in the in memoriam tribute, even though she had been nominated for Best Supporting Actress for Pete Kelly's Blues. The Academy gave the reason for her absence as her no longer being "relevant". I am not a big Peggy Lee fan, but that is some cold hearted shit.

I found that snub so indicative of how Hollywood has treated Joan Rivers over the years. They laugh at her jokes, clap along to her witty jabs at celebrities and then ignore her when it comes time to honor "their own." Fuck the Academy. Joan is too good for them.

I have my inner thigh and the back of my knee tattooed and I would have them done a million times over before getting my collarbones tattooed. Ouch ouch ouch.

YAYYYY!!!!!! I LOVE LESLIE HALL! This song will be in my head all day now.

Edited to correct that!

"Post menopausal women do not have sex. Next question?" — Dr. McBroom

Barbierei will go back to his side gig sitting on the board of a pregnancy center in the state.

WHAT ARE PURPLE?

Welcome back to Behind Closed Ovens, the BIZARRO EDITION:

I've never seen this movie. Should I see this movie?

Cmon Craig Ferguson!