“These deals get better all the time!”

Seems like half off dildos would disappoint a lot of people.

It’s important to pick a nice face tattoo. One that says “Actually, I am employable.” would at least be a step in the right direction.

I wasted a whole year of terrible jokes trying to get out of the grey on one of these sites. Never guessed that an all caps rant would do the trick. :)

WHAT BUTTON DO I HIT TO COLLAPSE THE GIGANTIC IDIOTIC ARGUMENT THREAD FILLED WITH SELF-RIGHTEOUS REACTION GIFS?

Shit. Now I got like 6 tweets to write.

I really hate the voice over reminders that won’t stop repeating. Yes, Batman I do need to climb that ladder, but right now I’m trying to see if I can get to that riddler trophy yet.

This is just like my crushed dream about the 2016 election, except the guy in 3rd was shirtless Joe Biden in a Trans Am enjoying a deli sandwich.

He’s just one magnet-on-a-stick away from a sweet beard.

Taint much difference between your guess and his.

+$20

“No thanks, I already float.”

Bound to happen with that many at bats in a single game.

It’s definitely a pattern.

Awkward Zombie just casually stealing from the grocery store. That’s called being a piece of shit, kids.

“Here comes the money!”

Anyone who works ‘ephemeralia’ into a tweet sniffs their own farts for fun. 

You laugh, but I now I want to see if i can beat the shape of your head into a frying pan.

I can’t get an image to post so take your star and imagine Vultan winking or something.

Flash could be their Khan!