Sure, but when I try to help a cyclist like this, they're all "share the road!" and "get back on the pavement!"

I’m trying to figure out how exactly a five month old appears high. They’ve just learned to smile, maybe they are buzzing their lips a bit and trying to figure out how to crawl. Maybe they would be a bit hungrier? I don’t know if you could detect a baby lacking ambition.

In his defense, all 5 month olds appear to be high

Could have been worse- usually when a Colombian ends up 80 kilos short, his whole family gets murdered.

Apartheid state does apartheid.

I thought we had a REAL patriot here but it appears that isn’t any misspelled words so this is definitely a case of sarcasm.

This man is a true american, just like Mel Gibson

Fuck this shit.

Label inside the hoodie.

Having kids is terrible for the environment.

JESUS CHRIST

“Oh, sure, when a Judge in Florida makes kids cry by giving them his bat, it’s filed to Things We Actually Like.”
-Roy Moore

In 1965 I hitchhiked from Harpur College to Cornell to see the Rolling Stones at Barton Hall. We got there early so to kill time we went to the Cornell/Columbia football game. At halftime the Columbia band performed before the BIG RED BAND came on. Their theme was a typical Saturday night at college. I remember they…

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!

So after decades of defending itself without carriers, how did this happen? The one-word answer:

Oh yeah a bunch of string and pushpins will be needed...and Kind Bars...there needs to be dark chocolate and salted caramel Kind Bars.

Actually, Seth is Zach’s “twin” brother

We’ll cut the suspension down to probation, but watch yourself. 

I love how you managed to spell the particularly difficult “Galifianakis” correctly but gave him the completely wrong first name. I’m fired up.