Our town’s beloved ob/gyn died two years ago, and his family was there at the casket from 5 pm to well past 11 pm. And he only delivered babies. He did not introduce us to the Greatest Singer in the World!

75% of those kids are white males in a tee-shirt and sweatpants. Looks like a Republican gaggle to me!

Your comment just made my IUD twitch.

Is this a blizzard?! No! God is just releasing all those Snowflake Babies back to the earth.

Know what Burt hates more than political correctness? The proper use of commas.

Get rid of Kristen Bell and replace her with Kirsten Dunst. I want a Peggy and Hank buddy comedy.

I like reading Yelp reviews of Old Country Buffets.

Banana clip!

Can’t wait to see what she’s going to wear. Gingham potato sack? Marsala potato sack?

I can’t tell if she’s pandering to the people of Kentucky or fans of Mumford & Sons.

Me: “What new series should we start?”

It’s never lupus.

It’s actually Oak Bluffs. Which is what WASPs call the Inkwell.

I’m as wet as that driveway on The Bachelor.

That’s what bugs me. Ramsay is awful. We GET IT. Writers have made me believe it, yet they keep treating us like idiots. It’s lazy and doesn’t move the story forward in any way.

On second thought, I might enjoy ripping out Trump’s hair at the root.

The real problem isn’t trans kids. It’s hipster, artisan restaurants that have to be oh so clever with their bathroom signage. Is that a rooster or a hen?! Is that a male or female chandelier?! I don’t know!

Dang. Gwen must really be in love because hunting is boring as fuck. I’d rather give Donald Trump a bikini wax than sit in a tree stand.

This video needs more Bunko and Skinnygirl margaritas.

We rented an Airbnb over Thanksgiving, and had I known the owner pronounced his name “FRAHHHHNK” (like Martin Short’s Frank on “Father of the Bride”) rather than the regular old way, I might have picked a differnt place. Because FRAHHHHNK’s furniture was uncomfortable as fuck.