Hey, girl! I got a promotion at work (yay), but my workload is nuts.

Did y’all see Yolanda’s medicine CLOSET on this week’s RHOBH? I’d be sick too if I was inhaling lavender, popping Ativan, injecting Vitamin K, snorting Cymbalta, rubbing Vicks on my feet, noshing on Lipitor, and imbibing amoxicillin.

He has a Rosco P. Coltrane vibe. This is not a compliment.

As a New Englander, I think I have PTSD from last winter. I found my YakTrax the other day and started to feel ill. I will be able handle snow again by 2017, maybe.

Mermaid hair. When. Will. It. Stop.

God kills an infant to teach the parents a lesson, which is that they should love God more. The God who just killed their baby.

I always wanted to hate-fuck Eric Cantor. Something about his smarmy power did it for me, before he lost re-election.

Good to know. I didn’t realize he was an asshole before I replied.

“Go to another clinic?” Bless your heart.

I honestly don’t know who required it, but they did it as a group as a time-saving measure in order to see more patients. It was a long time ago (1992) and I do remember that I had to choose from a list of BC I planned on taking after the procedure. I chose the pill, and the clinic gave me three packs of Ortho-Tri.

I’m old. This was 1992, pre HIPPA.

One woman read a magazine the whole time. She was my hero.

The clinic did it as a group because they have to go over every type of BC and if they did it individually, it would take forever. The best part? Abstinence was not an option you could select.

When I had my abortion (in NC), I had to sit in a group “therapy” circle and discuss the process and what forms of birth control I planned on using post-abortion.

The best baby product to invest in: the Munchkin bottle cleaner. It cleans baby bottles and wine glasses. My kid is 6 and I still use them.

Perfect. Because lavender oil could help this lady to relax.

And she posted her “letter” online. Real ladies send thank you notes in the mail.

Weirdest D&C ever.

Truth. You cannot trust a post-anal fart for at least 24 hours.

Awwwww, hell no. I was teased mercilessly for my freckles growing up and now you pale-faced ladies want to appropriate them? No. If freckles are trendy, then I get to enjoy the glory. Not you fake-ass bishes.