After conquering one fabled American past-time, The Canadians’ will now set their sights on mastering morbid obesity and abject racism.

turn to me, I’ll give you a hug.

I did already. Did you think I was still typing this, live?

I don’t think we disagree; this man absolutely should pay his dudes. But I think you meant to say “alcoholic beverages should be BLAND inside stadiums.” Let’s not throw out the baby with the backwater here. Craft beer in stadiums is the real villain.

Good to see that Kluwe was able to find work in the NFL again.

You meant to say “SLIP on the wrist.” A slip is a women’s loose fitting dress or undergarment, you see. The expression “SLIP on the wrist,” means that something is nonsensical.

You’re want to talk! The expression is “BALL someone out.” Ball is a slang term for testicles, and once again, I don’t see how Winston’s sex life relates to his edibility.

Hold your corpses. I know what “rake” means, but I don’t understand why you need to bring Winston’s past digressions into this.

“Mmmmmm, baked Titan” -Chris Christie, grinding against a dented refrigerator.

I think you meant to say “BAKE him over the coals.” Coals are a source of fuel that may be used to cook food. It’s sort of embarrassing that you messed up such a common saying, to be honest.

In defense of Will Allen, he was completely misinformed as to the nature of this plot. He assumed this was a ploy against his arch-nemesis Fonzi, to get back at him for smooching the girl of whom Allen had been going steady with.

Should Donovan McNabb have been driving while under the influence of an alcoholic substance? What do you think?

collided in a rear-end fashion with another vehicle which was stopped at a red traffic signal.

Not a bad take, Burneko, but surely even your permissive outlook must take issue with Chris Christie’s variation of adding a busload of shrieking schoolchildren to his guacamole before devouring it with a angrily tumescent gluttony boner.

I know it’s been awhile, and Lord knows they’ve done everything they can to keep the details hush-hush, but on one of his children’s birthdays, Chris Christie was kicked out of a movie theater for publicly masturbating during parts of Ratatouille.

You know what else Chris Christie blew? A big pluming spout of water out of the top of his head, because he is a whale, a big, fat, cretinous whale who eats hoagies rather than krill.

Some people, like ol’ Kaner here, take things too literally, like when Chris Christie bottle rocketed cum everywhere after being told he’d eat his own words.

First Abel, and now Tom Petty? This man is a Monster.

Looks like the race war has begun.

[Are completely unsure as to who to root for]