huh. yelling “DOWN IN FRONT!” usually doesn’t work this well

you wouldn’t know razzle dazzle if it came up to you and waved its sequined hands in your face then proceded to carry Carol Channing off on a gilded surrey

Jason Kendall got 2 — count ‘em — 2 votes! That’s 1 more than the number of functional ankles he has. Or two more than the number of friends he has.

+1

Chris Christie became confused trying to alphabetize his names, so he gave up and ate 24 cans of alphabet soup instead

Great story. Now where are the damn hotdogs?
— Chris Christie

This reminded me of another funny thing about an AFC East (or should I say Eat?!!11!) related story:

Makes sense. He probably learned a ton about cleaning up messes so that nobody ever sees them during his time in college.

I don’t know about the Deadspin staff, but Chris Christie would probably invite his Twitter friends out to a nice dinner — steak, lobster, fried chicken, spaghetti and meatballs, hotdog sandwiches, pizza, jalapeno poppers, whale, hamburgers, salad bar with all the not-lettuce stuff on it, crab, gumbo, prime…

Cheer up Ragnar. I hear Volktron and Globber are looking for a third amigo.

He connected with a kick? What’s he doing on the sidelines? Suit him up!

I wish a Presidential candidate would step up to dress this crisis. preferably in creamy Caesar or Ranch.

kids these days. jeesh.

no way

I wish all these guys would stop climbing on me. I don’t have wheels guys. I’m not taking you anywhere.

Chris Christie is so fat he ate one of the riots

I wish a horse would penetrate your mouth and shatter your teeth tbh

Must’ve been tiring standing at the plate with that heavy bat just resting on his shoulder, you know?

WHO REC’D THIS?!!? I WILL MURDER YOU!

Poor guy. First nobody would help him off his horse and now this?