I don't think it's appropriate to talk about Melania's stinkhole.

All the real badasses didn't shoot heroin, they shot chemotherapy.

Should have called the club "Studio 84". And you snort enough pop rocks, bad things happen, man.

"As a family man, Christian, and representative of the Bush family, I strongly condemn the sexist and disrespectful language of my opponent, Mr. Trump….Who do I have to blow to get you to clap for me?"

SNL experiencing "white flight"? I knew they were only faux liberals.

Nothing makes a woman prouder than when her son insinuates that he wants to fuck her granddaughter

*imagining Don Henley and Glen Frey in an anal gland fight*

That's "method"? I just call that "Friday night"

I believe Jonah spent some time there according to the Bible

In a related story, Keanu Reeves didn't know that English accents were a real thing either.

There is probably someone planting phony Dwayne Johnson birth certificates in third world countries right now (sadly not joking about this)

Is it just me or does everything on TV seem like it would be improved by having a random Xenomorph running through it? Something like Modern Family is so tired now it would greatly benefit from the carnage.

Justified in his mind because "statutory" rape isn't the same as "real" rape. Or "incestuous, statutory" rape for that matter.

Never mind……bitch

I tried Steak N Shake once a few years ago. I was caught by surprise by how they smashed their burgers. It was tasty and I did appreciate the crispy edge, but the burger was small and it threw the bread to meat ratio out of whack. I guess I found it a little gimmicky and I shouldn't need to eat 3 burgers to feel…

And "overseer" has implications of slavery. I think that's out too.

"I am NOT Spartacus"

Family is probably glad she didn't set up a Tinder account for him.

I didn't know panty liners could drink Red Bull

"Michael Moore DISEMVOWELS Dnld Trmp"