“COME to Christian,” he muttered under his breath as she timidly shuffled to his desk. Though taken aback by her innocent beauty, he knew he must keep his demeanor stoic so that she may one day, like, show him her boobs and stuff. “Uhhhuhuhuh” he snickered as she slowly seated herself, giving him a brief glimpse of…

Christ. I’m in the psychology field, so I get human behavior, but when I hear someone say “its human” or “I’m just a human” or “we’re all human” 99% of the time that just translates to “I want to do something and will do it regardless of its negative effect on others and I’d like to be selfish without feeling bad…

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

Oh, goodie! Just like I never wanted!

I hope his inner monologue reads like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead.

omg I hate this debate. I’m a feminist and proud of it.

Soooo.. I really don’t like the whole “if you’re for equality, you’re a feminist” argument. Feminism is about equality, but its a bit more than that. If we’re at a point where the definition of feminism is thinking that men and women are equal then I’m not really sure that its worth much anymore. Boiling down feminism…

A 43 year old essay? Obviously a reason to totally discredit a candidate. Days old support for a pedophile? Well, that’s just an expression of religious freedom.

“Hey everybody! Want to see the ultrasound of the embryo my granddaughter aborted last year? It’s right here in my wallet.”

In order for me to be fully informed as a voter, I am going to need images of Scott Walker’s colon. In fact, I would like transanal ultrasounds of all potential GOP candidates as right now, I cannot decide who is the biggest asshole.

I think I will on the next date (if we do lots of talking). I didn’t really want to drop a bunch of emotional baggage on the first date. I agree though, I think it would be better to explain WHY I’m so reserved. Hell, it took me years just to tell people what genre of music I liked when they asked. It’s scarier being…

I just got to telling people when they’d be like ‘But WHYYYY?’

Duck her and see if she floats?

They’re already trained in MMA! (seriously, the skill level exhibited here is terrifying)

You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.

1. Calls in a Diflucan to the pharmacy when you have a yeast infection - this just happened this morning with this new PA guy I started seeing and I died and went to non-itchy heaven.

rain was the best! I miss rain.

Via Tumblr.

Does this make him a mar-SUP, BRO-ial?

Ehh, just find yourself a sarcastic asshole friend who’s having a baby at roughly the same time as you, and then join a regular site. Send each other screencaps of the ridiculousness and make fun of all the idiots. It’s more entertaining than an actual useful non-mushy site would be. Another option is to check out…