Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

You don’t actually have to say anything

She’s under no obligation to talk to the NFL, and would probably be better off if she didn’t. 

I cannot stop staring at that amazing picture. Literally nobody looks at all happy to be there, and as though trying to pretend otherwise is pointless.

*Glances at username*
*Glances at first two words of comment*
*Glances back at username*

Yep, checks out.

The answer to “would ___ be a better President than Trump” is always “yes.”

The problem isn't Sunday weddings, the problem is you having kids!

He literally admits to sexual assault in the texts

So, was he mad that the Pirates were using someone to close who could actually pitch well?

Security experts have confirmed that it only took the offender three attempts to break the account’s password: GUMBOGUMBOGUMBO

Ok only half of those things matter.

Police take victims seriously. Police take diligent notes and follow-up on leads. Police test most rape kits.

Five bucks says the Patriots knew about this. Five more says the Raiders didn't.

This isn’t what the reporters meant when they asked him if Big Ben’s winning ways rubbed off on him.

Steelers fans like him again now

The only word I can confirm they can spell is Eagles. They spell it quite frequently, so it would appear they are very proud of their ability to spell it. The fact that they don’t exhibit this behavior with any other word could be taken as an indication that they cannot, in fact, spell any other word with confidence.

Wow. This is a nice change from the norm - someone reading the last sentence but missing something in the first. 

1986 was a long time ago and things are different now, for sure. As an example, here are the 1986 and 2019 versions of Mike Scott

I felt like I was listening to a story from famed stage manager Del Preston in Wayne’s World 2

Not sure what’s funnier here. This guy thinking Rams fans exist? Rams fans that exist would care enough to show up to their games? Or that Rams fans that care enough to show up to their games would be bothered to the point of accosting another fan?