“How do I increase my notoriety?..I know, in front of my wife and child I will show that someone flinging a obscure insult at me will cause me to lose any and all emotional stability!”

“Worf Britzer?! Ohh nooooooo!”

Goomba? Am I doing it right?

Go for the eyes, Boo, for the eyes!

I mean, that’s fair I suppose but it seems like “accidentally” seeing them or seeing them as an opener twice AND THEN seeing the lead do a DJ session by coincidence would be nigh on mathematically impossible, if not extremely improbable.

“Don’t use gendered pronouns! You’re triggering my anxietyyyyy!”

What do you think Mexico could possibly do in retaliation?

So you’re saying that Cats ruined your relationship.

To be honest, I can’t imagine ever wanting to see DCFC live. I rather enjoy their music, because it’s pretty relaxing, but not exactly thrilling performance material. I have, however, seen Paramore live and I will say that Hayley Williams knows how to rock, and Jimmy Eat World is not a bad show either.

How did you survive even one fucking showing of Cats?

I mean, that’s a fair question to ask, but usually people say “I went to see x” and they’re referring to the headliner. Has Dashboard become so outdated that they’re opening for other people now? They used to be a main act.

Am I the only one confused by the request for “diversity?” WTF does the union think they’re going to demand? “We demand you hire more minorities, regardless of their qualifications.”

I gotta be honest, when your union’s claims to fame are Vox, Vice, Slate, and GMG, 3 of 4 which are either bleeding huge amounts of cash or have been sold for losses multiple times in a 5 year period, well..let’s just say you should watch your step so you don’t trip over that bar.

You just know that before Foster made those tweets, Grasso was probably listing Foster The People as one of her all time favorite bands.

Now I kinda wanna see what happens when a hog steps on a landmine.

If packs of feral hogs are intruding on your property, you don’t move. You kill them.

“I willingly paid money and went to see this person perform. They sucked. In fact, they sucked so God damn hard, I did it all over again, because I’m an intelligent person. Now that we’ve cleared that up, please listen to what I have to say.”

Columbia Records Secretary: Sir..I’ve got Splinter on line 4.

To be fair to Mark Hamill, he was in a horrific car accident that severely jacked him up.

Let he who has never imitated a funny accent cast the first stone.