His new gig.

Oh fuck off. Watching Vela in the form he is in now doesn't require any qualifiers. Enjoy soccer.

*Obligatory Switch port begging post*

Mayo also makes a great cooking agent for grilled cheese sandwiches.

Dr. Fatbody’s run is def an all time fave for me. Hilarious, so much hype, and I am overjoyed to see someone from my home town representing.

That’s me in the corner... that’s me in the spotlight... dodging pugilism.

“according to Moss’ Claire Raines”

I’m surprised Assumption College has a kicker. You’d think they’d just put up seven points any time they scored a touchdown, and three points any time they drove inside the 30.  

Well, yeah. The breaststroke is *second* base.

what, essentially, makes his black parent the dominant factor in determining his race?

Counterpoint: No.

Why would I ever go down to the train tracks when you never invite me over?

Do all soccer/football articles in other countries constantly discuss the relative merits of their league?

Short list (I'm old), but Run The Jewels was pretty cool.

“My nipples are footballs and that is why the priests put me on the fast track to become the Football King. In my dreams I’m chased across a burning field by an angry goalpost, but I will never let it touch my pigskin.”

look mr sherman, i get that you are angry with how much power i have....

Do you tell your bro that your wife and his wife might have escalated their friendship while drunk?

I’ve experienced a lot of mansplaining about what constitutes a ball.

I would have liked to have heard Scocca’s take on the wiping matter. I mean, how exactly does one deal with Tom’s caca.

“Good.” -Seattle residents