Keeping Magary a secret from her would only eat away at my soul and eventually tear us apart.

Eating mistake:

I’m not a world leader, so I don’t know for sure, but I would guess a handshake plus kiss on the cheek isn’t out of bounds. She wouldn’t be going in for one if it was inappropriate.

I just want to say that my daughter had her first REALLY late night of middle school homework last night, so she was understandably exhausted during breakfast. Neither of us knows anything about soccer, but I read her this headline and it brightened her morning.

He’s mad Jews don’t love him enough?

Coincidentally, I was just telling my son what it was like to be a college student.

Fuck. I knew it.

I remember seeing his batshit TV ads when I was in college. That Super Bowl was during my freshman year. My entire dorm hallway was in my room watching the game. I was curled up in the corner of my bed. The game was so fucking boring that I fell asleep.

If you have to tell everyone that you are the best President for Jews, methinks you are not, in fact, the best President for Jews.

My college roommates and I had a team name discussion 20+ years ago. We concluded that the best name that you never see (forgive me if it’s some minor league baseball team, which it probably is) is “Monsters.”

Everything with Trump is binary. There is no nuance in his thought. He cannot even conceive that I, as a Jew, can generally support Israel, to think it’s good that there is a Jewish state, but at the same time disapprove of certain things its government does. Not coincidentally, it’s the same with America (minus the…

Katy Cat imo

I believe a samurai sword can - let me check the thumbnail that appears at the top of Deadspin every other fucking day.

Goddamn that’s a lot of mayo. I’ve heard great things about the Popeye’s sandwich, but light on/hold the mayo, thanks.

Sometimes I wish I had no morals. Conservatives are ATMs.

Racism. The answer is racism.

But if someone gets criticized for flying a Confederate flag down there, I bet they cry, “But my HERITAGE!”

Hell, if you like Olive Garden, that lifetime pasta pass is actually pretty awesome. Yeah, you’ll still need to leave a tip, but man. I wouldn’t want to commit to the 9-week one just for a chance at the lifetime pass, though.

It’s like a Spirograph.

Just imagine if LeBron was her father or the father of someone on the team.