At least it’s not called Channing Taint Yum, made from his fermented taint smears.

If this were the Onion, the headline would be “Man Claims to be Mo Rocca to get Restaurant Reservation".

I hear they also recently robbed a Minnesota lemonade stand.

Shoulda sold chocolate starfish as well.

Thank God he shaved off his Hitler stache.

No Legitimate Grape? I like grape... soda.

What kind of name is Rose anyway? It’s not very Star Wars.

In awe at the size of these lads. Absolute units.

How the hell did anyone know what Harrison’s favorite drink was? He died in thirty days. He probably drank nothing but water and broth during his brief presidency.

Why the hell was Daphne Oz even a host? She has no food or television experience. The only thing she was known for was being Dr. Oz’s daughter.

I’d bend the knee for her, if ya know what I mean...

If someone asks for salt, you ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.

It’s Muffin Man, not Muffin Person. And he still lives on Drury Lane.

Bad review. Vomitive. Critics culpable.

The eight amendment prohibits cruel and unusual punishment. Strike this bill down.

In other words, Millenials are killing the fresh food industry.

He cannot sanction his buffoonery.