The Scots should seize shipments of Diet Coke and dump them into the North Sea.

I guess you could say hate crime... doesn’t pay.

He’s not wrong, though I would call it a moral panic, and not collective hysteria.

There’s already a way to eat as much as you want without gaining unseemly pounds, it’s called bulimia.

That manager is a real peachy cool arrow, and a merry cone.

Hey Perkins, I engaged in sexual intercourse with your spouse or significant other.

So stingy, these blue bloods. They should get delicious English dishes like eel pie and spotted dick.

If it’s not fried in lard in a copper pot, I’m not eating it.

Ironically, consuming Graham crackers releases endorphins, which increases virility and stamina.

What did Bill Murray say to ScarJo at the end of Lost in Translation?

Who’s his next lawyer, Honus Wagner?

Millennials are killing the frozen food industry, probably because they like fresh, tasty food. Or they can’t afford microwaves.

He should do a tv show like the one Elvis Costello had a few years ago, where musical guests would show up, talk, jam, talk some more, then jam again.

Wait until she admits she gets her salsa from New York City.

He was afraid the chips would clog the instruments.

That’s just Heisenberg Select, their newest coffee blend. The blue beans are grown in New Mexico’s wet, tropical rainforests. Goes great with stevia.

They’ll never stop the Simpsons! Also, get me out of the greys already, or am I still banned?

Lighten up, Francis.

They should make it a prequel and recast her with someone who isn’t ancient. Scarlett Johansson is turning matronly in her old age.