This sounds like a ripoff of the Carlos Mencia/Forest Whitaker movie, Our Family Wedding.

I think I hate Tom Brokaw! No wait, I find him informative and witty.

They should bring back the 5 dollar foot long, and it should come with a soda and bag of chips. All that for no more than 5 dollars. That’s the only way I’m ever eating there again.

Alia Shawkat? “explicit sex scenes”! I’m afraid I just blue myself.

“Spider Men”? Miles Morales confirmed?

Sometimes coke doesn’t cut it, so a cup of coffee is what I crave. McDonald’s should bring back their old stirrers:

Japan was a mistake.

That kids been watching too much Hee Haw.  

Jim Halpert, so hot right now.

They already have a show like that, Expedition Unknown, with Josh Gates.

She used a powerful spell to repel her advances.

She’s the WOOOORST.

Simpsons in New Orleans? Never seen that before...

When Lou Reed died, Lou Bega (of Mambo No. 5 fame) was mourned by some.

I would’ve liked to see him in a celebrity wrestling match against Peter Dinklage.

I like the way they think.

Why are the pretty ones always insane?

I’ll try to keep this comment PG13. Why are all my comments in the fuckin’ greys now?

It’s about time we had another Nixon in office.