maybe Our Dumb President is right and the Jets really are too complicated to operate

“See, this is why I stay a virgin.” — Mark Davis

He was initially charged with reckless driving but after review it was determined the guy wasn’t set and the call was reversed. 

Bauer’s welcome to do as he pleases, but pitchers more often seek longer contracts because their risk of catastrophic injury is higher. Bauer is gambling that he’s going to remain healthy each and every year, because each and every year is a contract year for him. That’s a HUGE risk.

Paying with cash and he used his legal name?  Rookie move.

i ave never, ever, pusht the backspace button

welcome back

• If you have small children with you, protect them by picking them up so they won’t panic and run.

“Sean, Drew, Michael, Alvin. Guys. Listen. I’m sorry. You have to understand my position here. I wish I could help you. I really do. Nobody feels worse about this than I do. Except for you and your fans, of course. But I hate what this has done to the sport. I really do. The only worse possible outcome here would be…

It’s interesting to note that the secretary of the Big Beautiful Women Alcoholics Anonymous organization seems to be a man.

If he’s such a great prognosticator, then why didn’t he open the broadcast with, “Everybody should just go to bed right now, because in a few hours you will all want to kill yourselves.”

I think he said yanny.

FYI, this is the first story that comes up if you google “licking triplets”.

Satan is affiliated with all the best bands. You lose, god. 

But it worked in Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook!

I thought people were fighting not to own them…

There are many things to love about Drew, but the thing I love the most about him is how effusively he lives his life

Needs the Simpsons clip of Marge saying OR-A-Gon-O...what the...?

It’s like if Curt Schilling and Philip Rivers had a baby and it learned how to talk by watching videos of people having strokes.

I know it’s just an intern who typed it, but I like to imagine it’s the entire organization owning Darren Rovell. And that brings me so much joy.