Are we sure he didn’t mean “naggers? I think he meant “naggers”.

“If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don’t retain the services of Michael Cohen!”

“Mr. and Mrs. Hunter, don’t you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on, but I think I got the gist of it.”

Fun fact: the Cleveland Tuesday is also the fourth-dirtiest sex position named after the city of Cleveland.

i was holdn a board over my head with a drill n my pants.

i was holdn a board over my head with a drill n my pants.

The towel was immediately crushed out of the park for a grand slam.

My wife is so afraid of someone noticing her when she goes to poop, she actually keeps a 2nd pair of shoes in her desk so nobody recognizes her in the stall. She calls them her Shittin’ Shoes.

I use the handicap stall every time I poop. It’s always cleaner and I like all the kicking room i gots in there. Really let’s a man relax while he’s trying not to let other people here him loudly fart out sprays of shit in a public bathroom and being labelled as “that guy” as you walk out in shame.

Damn, that was rock solid. 

-urns

I guess he’s never heard the phrase “Don’t shoot the Messinger.”

The best thing in that clip is clearly the base coach imitating a Madden glitch

Oh my god, Drew, what the fuck. What the fuck! I’m reading along, I see the new WYTS headline, and it’s the Seahawks! I’m a Niners fan, this is great! And then WHAM, right in the kisser, Jordan Peterson? Jordan fucking Peterson? That irredeemable faux-intellectual shitbag, the great incel whisperer, that connoisseur…

He did one for the Chargers?

Somebody better bean Jurickson Profar in the fucking head in his next at-bat.  That’s how it works, right? 

I thought “Agent Orange” was Trump’s KGB code name?

You’re right, I don’t know you. Preclampsia is a fucking bitch. I can see how that would color your opinion of childbirth. For me it was an incredibly powerful and intense experience, so to see it described as “coming out of a vagina” although accurate, just struck me as a bit coarse, hence the overreaction.

Bill Simmons and Darren Rovell to announce new hourly show on HBO titled “The Content.”