My wife did that, and got so bloated we assumed she was pregnant, until after ~36 weeks, she started having “contractions,” we race her to the hospital and...she takes just a galactic dump, causing the disappointed obstetrician to rip off his gloves and mutter “it’s not a delivery...”

Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru.

Sounds like your kids are going to have some pretty bad sunburns.

You guys texted before posting, didn’t you?

People really spend all their time posting things on a web site without any compensation? How pathetic.

Stillman: Gen Z loves references. Remember I’m On A Boat?

Q: Why do you think you were chosen for this role, as opposed to someone more qualified or experienced?

Unrelated

Does anyone remember the commenter Raysism? I wonder if he’s gonna try and find out how far a football can be punted in a hurricane. I hope he’s ok.

This was always going to be a shitty week given that DACA was rescinded. But as a Pats fan who lives on St Thomas, and who hasn’t heard from anyone in 24 hours, has no idea if his office or home are still standing, and has no idea when he can go home, this is pretty much the only thing in my life that I’m going to…

Ceausescu was not shy about dictating. He was a very bad dictator.

He has people skills! He’s good at dealing with people! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!

This is progress. Usually Cleveland police protest browns by shooting them.

Astros Pres: What can we do to help?

Colin Kaepernick doesn’t have a job because he won’t stand.

I can’t believe you did this topic without Marchman. Marchman’s garbage food takes are the fuel that feeds Deadspin’s soul.

+1 star

Sophie had a better choice.