APRIL FOOLS! Nobody cares about baseball.

You'd love watching that video. Don't kid yourself. I'm imagining it on high-speed film, and it's wonderful.

OH WAIT NO, I WAS WRONG. TAXI. TAXI IS THE BRAND THAT HAS THE WORST DRIVERS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT A BRAND.

To be fair, I've never had a problem with Outback and Forrester drivers. I mean, maybe that's because my parents drive an Outback, but they seem to be keyed in for folks driving family-friendly cars.

Maybe it's because they know well enough to get a family-friendly car that's pretty awesome too.

Oldsmobiles, for 2 reasons. 1: They always drive much slower than they should, because their drivers are either super old, or mafiosos who want to assert their dominance over the road by crawling along it menacingly.

I nominate that this story be made into a Wes Anderson film.

oh my god i don't even care i want this so bad

Ryu kidding me? No way a car protects him for long.

They have bought Kinglandia and are going to replace all of their coverage with Peter King travel guides, beer reviews, coffee critiques, as well as a 2-hour program called "Things I Think I Think".

Well, to be fair, not braking is hard to do in rush hour traffic.

You don't need to slow down for a curve on the damned highway. There's always traffic on 495, on the curve right before the Silver Spring and College Park exits. It's because people brake on a 4-lane highway with a banked curve.

This relates to the general note that everyone's commute is faster if you stick to a…

So I woke up this morning after one of those unsettling dreams that you can't remember, but really kind of fucks up your day. I woke up anxious, worried, and on edge for, like, no reason. I couldn't shake the feeling. It sucked.

Then I watched this video and it was all better.

And now the Eagles are up 2. If that butt-score makes the difference in a 2-point win, they'll have to administer CPR as I will be too busy laughing to remember to breathe.

Again, I love Lambo for its insanity and the hard angles on its cars, so jeez, that kind of hurts to see.

Lamborghini, as much as I love them with all my heart, would probably be Ed Hardy. For pretty obvious reasons, I think.

BMW would probably be something like Armani, Coach, or Louis Vuitton. A name, a brand that you pay extra for- but at the end of the day, there's usually a damn good product behind the badge.

That said, the knockoffs and imitators are cheaper and will usually do the job just as well.

I mean honestly, I can't think of any better way to describe, well, either company, really.

What a whiner.

Scion is Axe.

this is what a hero looks like