It's the chemicals in the tobacco that do the most damage, so by comparison, weed won't kill your back, but really, your lungs weren't designed to have smoke in them ever for any reason at all. All smoke is bad.

*mind blown*

You can't fly a flag that way on a sword blade. The blade will cut right through the spine of the flag.

I'm still half expecting his grand finale to be him grabbing Gannon's package at the closing ceremony.

It's real the way, say, TV show addiction is real.

Goddamn elitist.

You ever even HAVE possum liver braised in red wine and served with a rose sauce?

Listen, you presumptuous asshole, in a Foodspin column, elevating simple disagreements to bouts of name calling and personal insults is the currency of conversation. If I took it too far, I apologize to you. You bootstrapping shitheel.

I grew up three steps above a wooden lean-to in the Appalachian trails with a single mom, actually. And we always helped with the dishes anyway because that's what kids are supposed to do.

"Did you really have a can of tomato soup with every single grilled cheese you had as a kid? Your mothers must have had the patience of saints."

Grilled cheese without a can of tomato soup is two slices of bread coated in various forms of fatty runoff milk byproduct.

Real talk: When the Google Cars take over in the next few decades and we are no longer driving ourselves anywhere, it's not going to be long before people look back on the days when we did and think "holy shit, people actually controlled these things themselves?"

No, maybe not. We don't know for sure.

Oh, god, the punching bag machine.

Alternately, the way Tim Marchman works is by being a shitty journalist who also seems to hold a pretty strong dislike for the sport he covers for Deadspin.

Essentially. Bigots upset that the tide is turning on bigotry developing codewords to use.

Never needed it cleared up, but thanks!

If you're moved to tears over the death of a stranger, you're either unbelievably fragile emotionally or you're co-opting others' tragedy as a means of showing people how much you care.

Sex tapes are poorly lit, poorly shot, feature a shaky or totally stationary camera and poor audio.

Absurd. I had no idea the majority of Deadspin readers have no taste buds.