One of the Name of The Year metrics I use is the “Spy at Baccarat Table” test where I try to imagine the person trying to introduce themselves as innocuously as possible in a luxury setting. Ionosphere Torres and Pretzel Montecarlo scored very well in that test.

Reminds me of the impossible Quindarius Gooch / Mike Diaper first round matchup last year.  Top 5 names in the entire field.

what was the pitch for Oddibe McDowell’s water bill

Ichiro is my favorite player who has never played for my team and it’s not even close.

I always find maps helpful. They are pleasant to look at and add context. And in this case, beat you over the head with “beach community,” which is probably the single best place to find shirtless men exhibiting their nipples all over the place.

God, I want to see the shit that ensues whenever this person goes outside.

Barry, I think a lot more than a few of these were trolls. God Bless the Trolls.

Those machines don't give a fuck. 

Yep, pretty much. The story of the Division is pretty troubling if you take it at face value. The implication that we’re completely beholden to government-funded, trained, and activated sleeper agents for your post-apocalyptic safety is frightening enough, and not only that, you’re part of the second wave in the first…

By the third example it was just depressing. 

It’s really not funny. I’m thinking of all of the really hard working students, students who put in the time, got great grades, and whose parents don’t have hundreds of thousands to bribe their way in.

The joke’s on him when he has to reflect on the horror’s he’s participated in and tries to escape with his son by flying away only to have his son perish when his wings melt and he falls into the ocean.

Oh I am not representing Deadspin in any way here. I personally, however, am totally being holier-than-thou towards anyone who willingly listens toor reads Barstool. I am very proud to do that. I might get a t-shirt made that says, “I am a better person than anyone who reads or listens to Barstool” and it will be…

Who are all these people who insist that you eat something that many people hate? Are they the same people who insist on rubbing the stomachs of pregnant women they see on the street? Or argue that Marie Kondo is essential viewing? I’ve lived in NYC for 30 fucking years and have met maybe two. 

I know this is a crazy opinion and all, but people should just eat what they want to eat how they want to eat it. 

I stopped watching football about six or seven years ago (it wasn’t necessary some conscious decision or ethical choice, I just had declining interest already and it happened to coincide with having kids and cutting my cable service). I still check the box scores most weeks and follow the standings, but I almost never…

Don’t quit football because you think it’s the righteous thing to do; just do it because it’s what you really want.

“I knew that n-word Kapernik was only in it for the money. The troops fight for our freedoms and what does he fight for, a big fat check from the NFL for him and his homies to cash at the corner store. And before you call me a racist for using the N-word, just know that I heard Little Wayne and Notorios Biggie use it,…

Grown ass man with a backpack smdh

Arizona is the Florida of the West. Ohio is the Florida of the midwest. Maine is the Florida of the North.