[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]

There’s just too many double consonants in that hotel’s name.

RENDEZVOUS A TEMECULA

“Was Lukather smoking hash in 1969 as a 12-year-old?”

So did he take the exam or not? I mean, free is free.

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It’s a salad. No gluten has touched it. The tomato that was sliced into it came from an organic farm and was loved very much by its owner.  

I want Jimmy Garapollo to be the greatest QB ever... and to be a sex addict banging different porn stars every week.

Also, San Francisco-style pizza suuuuuuucks

The Niners have beaten more domestic violence charges than playoff teams in the last 4 years.
It’s going to be a great 2018.

Speedy Romeo’s St. Louis pie is nice for variety.

But how is this event going to be disproven by flat-earthers?

He definitely needs an editor - he forgot the /.  

The Meteor. He really underperformed in the McGregor-Mayweather fight, but I have a good feeling about him this time around.

This is gross until we realize that paying poor people to hurt themselves for our entertainment is pretty much what sports is. 

Thanks to all the geniuses reminding me how unlocking skins works in this game.

Was there a rule book passed out that said fan art can only consist of characters as they appear? Are you from a different planet?

You’re welcome.

Yeah, everyone knows 17 year old legal filings make for good reading at random. The fact that anything was ever recorded in the past in any way means that no stories can ever be written about it ever.