You know? For once, I’m gonna just give it to ‘em. I believe it already; please, no video.

Well...I guess it is illegal by proxy. Unless you have a super long tongue, you would have to take off your helmet on the field to carry the ball with your tongue...and...as we know...it is illegal to take off the helmet on the field during gameplay.

They also share a division with the team they USED to be, a well-run team that has become the very model for everything the Browns WISH they could be.

I can tell you how to kill tanking. I can tell you how to kill it effective immediately: Kill the draft.

Also, if it is “their” “Peppermint Bark,” how can there be a “sugg.” of $14.00 but ooooooh “our price” is $12.59! Fred in accounting is like “we need to charge $14 for these 4.8 oz of generic chocolate we haphazardly sprinkled with candy cane rejects,” but Sherry in merchandising is like “FUCK THAT, FRED! GIVE THE…

I just feel like the Browns have to stop grading Manziel on how he does off the field.

If he screws up too much off the field, it will appear on the field (as it did last year).

It is not their job to be his parents, they should not be ordering him to clean up his off-work life, they should be telling him to make sure…

I’m 49. At this point I’m more interested in a good prime rib than a porn star.

My family buys the worst prime rib imaginable, overcooks it, and serves it alongside lasagna (with watery sauce, it’s basically soup) and NOTHING else. There are no side dishes. I routinely stop for egg rolls at the Chinese take-out on my way there, and regret nothing.

Here are my suggestions, internet stranger.

Crown

Oh, Buffalo Chess! Sure, sure.

The game is “throwing beer cans and rocks at each other,” right? Has to be.

My favorite part of this story is the casual mention of:

Why do you care if you aren’t using it? It allows some people to grind less if they want to. That’s a good thing that should always be an option. Mandatory grinding sucks.

I was the last of my group of friends to turn 18, so we blew it up hard on my birthday. Cigars, the casino, lots of booze purchased for us by an older sibling. It was awesome. I received a lot of fun presents, and some were gag gifts. Specifically, a friend of mine bought me a BDSM sex-toy set that consisted of…

Somewhere, a Florida land developer fondly recalls the time he tortured Mark Brunell’s bank accounts to death.

Wait a minute. Who is the diaper cream tooth brushing co-worker? You can’t just gloss over that detail

What I want is for there to be some college that only uses gadget plays and weird schemes. All the time. It would be a historically terrible program, so it’s all upside (I’m looking at you, Colorado State). Then you get some guru to go nuts. Never punt. Go with insane formations. Randomly pull plays out of a hat. One…

It went from snarky and sleazy to dickish and slimy.

You could start with the subjunctive mood.

Its a code for only Peter Gammons to interprate

Nothing better than Musberger or Al Michaels making veiled point spread references during a game.