Yeah, I’m all set, thanks.

And 23-year-olds love acting like they know everything they need to know.

Make sure you put on your oven mitts before handling the remote during this show.

Don’t worry, having grown up in a house with 3 cats my father actively disliked and my mother barely tolerated near the end, I can assure you that pet ownership is NEVER happening for this guy.

They don’t have a bottle opener, corkscrew, or wine key anywhere in the house, but they’ve got tongs?

I can’t think of anything more American than an enormous corporation selling a subpar product to people with questionable taste.

This show could be on for 10 years and I wouldn’t see an hour of it.

I usually just default to “no” so that if it becomes “yes” it’s a pleasant surprise.

French Horn. Get a load of all those other boring, front-facing horns. Pfft.

Luckily, your opinion is baseless and irrelevant to me and my life. Have a good one.

I don’t dislike them personally, and we see them frequently. But in a large group of them - absolutely not.

It’s not necessarily about strip clubs. It’s about spending an awesome night/weekend with your best friends without having to filter your conversations.

The case against it, every one of my wife’s friends.

We really need the Deadspin I-Team on this one for the follow-up.

It’s like he was desperately searching for a specific city that could be plausibly worse, until the realization hit him.

Okay, so I’ll just stand here, motionless, while you talk at me. Let me know when you’re done, and I’ll walk away.

Alternate title for this column: “The Blurst of Times”

Step 1: Make hash browns for 7 hours

Baby blue and teal are really awful colors.

Why are they tailoring their policy to people who are unable to recognize the true market value of their “premium” seats? Because if you pay $1500 for your ticket and I pay “a buck and a half” (which to Lonn “Lucille Bluth” Trost is probably $150) for one right next to you, it seems like you’re kind of a moron.