I told my wife that if she ever has a chance to sleep with Henrik Lundqvist, she’d better do it. Just tell me and I won’t come home until it’s over, at which point I can hang out with him and ask him about being handsome and cool.

Step 1: Put it on your resume

An umbrella and water-resistant shoes will help your feet stay dry without having to look ridiculous.

Yeah, they never would have been able to compile that 40-41 home record without their adolescent good luck charm.

Don’t forget to spend three whole days telling everyone about your bracket, because it’s really interesting.

I’m not sure $100 million is enough to convince Bryce Harper to stop socking a bunch of dingers, since that ability is probably going to earn him $500 million.

Yeah, Tom, we know you don’t work out.

I can. But I won’t, and it’s largely due to these loathsome assholes.

However long it takes in traffic, you have to add that to the time it would take fans from Suffolk County to get to the Coliseum. Their fanbase is primarily east of the Coliseum, folks that are mass transit averse.

The “nuclear option” is staying, dummy.

Can’t skim paragraphs in a podcast. Plus I pretty much hate the sound of other people’s voices.

I have plenty of incentive, it’s called “being an adult who isn’t a slob”. It’s actually pretty simple if you just put shit away when you’re done with it, and clean up after yourself instead of acting like there’s a maid on her way every night.

Yes. Ken Daneyko. Who earlier in the night was congratulating Wayne Simmonds for sucker-punching Ryan McDonagh in the head.

Hey Dan - if last week’s dried queso dip is still in your sink, you’re in no position to tell anyone what’s disgusting and what isn’t.

If you don’t want media attention, don’t sit down for a glowing, softball, paint-by-numbers interview with James Brown to talk about how unique and humble you are. Nobody forced him to do that, but it was a branding opportunity with a gushing interviewer.

That’s an awfully cynical take on the motives of someone you’ve presumably never met. How do you know he hasn’t been doing exactly what he said can’t do it anymore?

Isn’t it possible that the NFL is creating these ads for women who ARE interested in such things because women who already like the NFL don’t need any additional motivation to do so?

Seriously, an hour later, with the game long since decided, he’s still hyped up? Even Dennis Wideman’s explanation was more plausible.

Yep. I recently “upgraded” to this one. Didn’t plan on it, but I lost the one Olive Garden gave me 15 years ago when I was waiting tables there.

Yep. I recently “upgraded” to this one. Didn’t plan on it, but I lost the one Olive Garden gave me 15 years ago when…

“Clean like you’re at your parents’ house” isn’t necessarily good advice. A lot of people have mothers who picked up every dirty sock, plate, glass, etc.