I'd give up eating soup forever just have to someone dump a pot of scalding pasta fagioli on Michael Kay.

Im having a hard time finding any complexity whatsoever. Seems likes he's a billionaire asshole who treats everyone except his players like shit.

The Vikings saved a million bucks by cutting Kluwe and lost zero productivity. That's justification enough for cutting him.

Yeah, Al Michaels noticed the clock error in Dallas, yet nobody in a Cowboys logo did. Not their Ivy League coach, not the guy responsible for cleaning Jerry Jones' glasses, nobody. That's funny, not sad.

What are you basing that on? There are 2-3 punters drafted every year. Of this year's top-10 net average punters, only 1 went undrafted.

Yeah, because if they hadn't been worried about cutting a punter they easily replaced, they totally would have found a solution to their wretched QB situation.

I was an NFL player until the Vikings could replace me with someone who could easily replicate my performance at one third of the cost.

This has to be a clever ploy by the NFL to boost ratings for the early Sunday stinker. Tune in to see what Jeff Tripplette will do this week, it's the NFL Playoffs on CBS!

I thought it was illegal for anyone in a #19 Rangers sweater to be that close to a puck battle in the corner.

Ahhh, the confidence that comes with already having been divorced twice and not giving a shit.

Exactly. Even if my dick still worked, what the hell would I do with it? Bang some 750-year-old broad then brag to my friends about getting a young one?

Pizza is definitely a mouth-wrecker, specifically Stouffer's French Bread pizza. The box tells you to wait 5 minutes to let it cool, but when you're sitting there staring at a delicious lunch, 5 minutes might as well be 10 years. After 90 seconds you dive in, even though you know what's going to happen to the roof…

Why would anyone even want to live for 1000 years? I'm bored as shit already and I'm only 34.

Congrats on winning your lame 8-team league.

There is zero chance that George Senior's recipe from the 1970s called for almond milk and flax.

That "old tired maxim" isn't meant to be taken at face value by counting the number of touches that occur. Two quick passes to moving/cutting teammates are obviously more effective than four passes between stationary teammates.

I think Tom Chambers' "do you know who I am" era ended two weeks after the 1987 All-Star Game.

I like the English Giants crest, but they could have just gone with "NYFG" for New York Football Giants, or the original incorporation, "NY NLFC" for New York National League Football Company.

This would be a big deal if the media even cared about (or would recognize) the truth instead of getting that sound bite for their 5:20 update or 6 o'clock news.

Yes, surely the game would have played out in exactly the same way had the Colts gotten the ball down 7-0 instead of 14-0.