crediting yourself in an apology is classy AF

In an entirely unironic development, I'm positive that Jamie Dornan is the new Robert Pattinson. His interview on Fallon was all fun and games until he was forced to talk about the movie.

seriously though, this is one of the best things I've read in awhile. And it stimulated me in ways I didn't expect, like a weirdly effective Hitachi sesh on the metaphorical clitoris that is my snarky Educator of Literature and Lover of Hatereading erogenous zone.

look how stoked that baby is

"I feel him tug on my shameful string, pulling my unmentionables out of my down there. 'Twenty-three skidoo,' I whisper blissfully."

I read the title and I was like, "That's ridiculous, women aren't a monolith, we're a diverse group with equally diverse tastes." And then I read the word "panties" and I was like, "ACTUALLY, I take it back. All women hate the word 'panties.' Every single one of us - regardless of race, nationality, creed, class,…

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

Speaking as someone who's worked for a chain, yes. Yes it is hard to do. Because management all comes from the bullshit school that preaches "the customer is always right." Yes, it's a good basis for your interactions, but it's very often abused by customers that know ALL TOO WELL that they're "always right." Every…

Sorry, I'm just waiting for some bootstrapping asshole to bounce in here and say that people working low wage jobs deserve those jobs because they haven't applied themselves. And then flounce out when folks ask them what they'll do when all those low-wage folks get their MBAs and there's no one left to fill their…

I got really upset before I finished reading your comment and then I gave one of those laughs you laugh when you're mostly relieved.

But who would want to eat that? It's going to need to cook for a lot longer if it's going to be tender.

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

Yeah. The moment they utter the phrase, "the customer is ALWAYS RIGHT," I mentally translate it to, "THIS customer is a total yambag."

colin did you know that lobsters REALLY ARE undersea bugs tho

<— The diners in question.

We need the XKCD audio playback virus for Facebook.

They really should be expelled. Guys who think drugging and raping people is funny should not have access to the drugs that dentists so commonly use to numb pain or make people unconscious.

IDK, I mean, I'm not a woman but if I were just riding the subway by myself and some guy physically assaulted me because he found me attractive, I'd be flattered. I dunno why women gotta make such a big deal about a guy thinking they're pretty and then violently attacking them for it. It's a compliment, ladies!

oh god its all so bad