I say this with all sincerity: I will never, ever tire of monogrammed thermos jokes.

I worked for a regional franchise of a national chain restaurant that was a big proponent of secret shopping. Our location was near several busy business parks and hotels with convention spaces. One of our regular groups was a Mormon youth conference - all very nice, well-dressed, attractive young people, but they…

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

I like my gratuity grilled until it's tender. Please remember that for next time.

This now makes me want to create a new Pinterest board in which I pin things like this, and label them entirely with word combos from the Guy Fieri Flavortown Dish Generator like "Punk Rock Reggie's triple X pork honk with Tuscan-style beef taffy."

My favorite zippy comeback line is one I got from my boss. She was working the till, and chatting with an old lady who comes in to buy vegetables sometimes. Boss says something innocuous, like, "Oh, do you enjoy cooking?" And the old lady says, "Sweetie, when we got married I told my husband to pick one room for me to…

she's a literal pretty princess and i am so jealous.

From Fox: Obama Seduces Woman at Polls, Destroys Heterosexual Couple

I love how completely he seduces her in under a minute. Like, "Mike, buddy, I could fuck your girlfriend if I wanted to. I could fuck all the girlfriends."

here i made this helpful food pyramid for ren faire food:

Yeah, I think it's a phase a lot of women go through. I was totally a Cool Girl in high school. I thought that because I like football, video games, comics, and prefer whiskey to vodka I was different from the OTHER girls. I thought I could only get along with my select fellow Cool Girl friends as far as women went…

I look forward to BCO all week. As always, Pinkham, you save my monday from being a total nightmare.

I've got celiac disease and severe peanut/tree nut allergies, so I know I'm a pain in the ass in a restaurant sometimes, though I try hard to not be. I know what I want — something simple — and I really appreciate it if a restaurant will do that for me because the rest of my party wants to eat the chef's more…

When I was moonlighting as a bartender, a liver fluke came into the joint, slopped down in a corner booth and snapped his fingers to get a cocktail waitress.

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

But! Does he sell monogrammed coffee thermoses?

I suffered extreme post partum depression and even as that fog has cleared a year past child birth I wonder if I didn't make a mistake. Not that my child is a mistake but that I was mistaken in thinking I was cut out to be a mother. I'm grateful to these women for publicly talking about this. If they didn't I wouldn't…

"I work for government."