Fourteen year old me wanted to jump his bones so badly. Oh Legolas! So pretty! So aloof! So detached! And then I saw Orlando Bloom in other things and realised that his slightly blank stare and head tilting were not him perfectly capturing the otherworldliness of the elves, that is actually just how he acts. Who told…

Hi, I’m Kristiffer Lawredeschanel, and I’m here to talk about a cause very close to my heart. Every day, Manic Pixie Dream Girls across America are dying. Hundreds of women with crooked smiles and a penchant for describing sunsets while quoting your favorite Camus/Salinger/Dr. Seuss book are disappearing from your…

Luke 10:29-37, KJV*

I identify as a Christian but agree with you. After all, Jesus was out there helping people and getting his hands dirty, not just asking his dad to do stuff.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

WE HAVE FOUND RAFFEY.

Perhaps they were time-traveling Cardinals from the 15th Century who were hungry after having excommunicated Copernicus for his anti-Ptolemaic notions of a heliocentric solar system.

She was a staunch Catholic who took absolutely zero BS from parents - and I'm sure anyone who's worked retail or food service knows how awful rich parents of toddlers can be (the Y was in a VEEEERRRYYY high-rent neighborhood). Anyway, my classroom was the youngest kids, 2.5-3 years old. We had a little girl come in…

Look, it's a little hard not to take this personally.

Just because some saucy tart hurls a fork at you doesn't make you a king. It's not like some bint can come up out of a pool of duck sauce, fling chop sticks at you and make you emperor of PF Changs.

Well, sorry, because you know I'm a fan and all, but "Cilantro Lime Crema" is a terrible substitute for guacamole and an even worse idea for a screenname.

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

I've always wanted to be the King of Olive Garden. Is there a succession plan? Do I need to murder the previous King? Or just wait for him to die of the inevitable heart attack?

I got used to the record store version of that. "I don't remember the title, but it was catchy and it had "love" in the chorus?"

As we've discussed, SUR stands for Sexy Unique Restaurant. Therefore, the shirts, when read in full, say: "Sexy Unique Restaurant Restaurant and Lounge."

The WEIRD all CAPS that these PEOPLE use tell me THEY just DON'T know how to DRIVE a POINT home.

i am so obsessed w pinkham's law it's not even funny

Signed,