Don’t forget the LGBT sandwich: lettuce, guac (or just avocado but that’s a crap acronym), bacon, and tomato. 

The entire UNC football team received 3 credit hours for reading this article.

Thrilled to see that the NHL ‘94 “skate across and wait for the goalie to fall down” move still has legs.

“Seems like it’s just good scrappy effort.”

Why not suggest the guy get involved too? Then it’s not cheating.

Judges 3:21-22:

When asked for his opinion on Bill Simmons he responded, “he’s an idiot dickhead too.”

I was looking at the hotel tv this morning and wondering why it sucks, and why hotels INSIST that you go to their opening menu when you turn it on, rather than just returning to ESPN. It’s a first, but I learned something from the Funbag.

The “Colorado Springs Steamer” is catchy. Let’s go with that.

If that guy really wants to try out the Landry Jones thing, I’ll be happy to kick a steelers fan in the balls.

get a load of American Bill Bryson here.

you just outed yourself as an Onion writer I think. well done on both websites.

Great now when he misses a game we’ll all be subjected to more Simmons babbling about the Ewing theory

Mississippi has beaches and casinos

When your team is number 1 in the polls you say that they are ranked higher than other teams. So lower number = higher seed.

To be fair, most humans didn’t know this rule had changed either

You just wanted to show off that you know what a murder of crows is.

Is the “to be fired” list really so riveting that it needs to be broken up by 4 different ads? I feel like that’s the least valuable real estate in the whole column.

TENNIS.

Damn right. I don’t know WHAT to do about Steve Bartman though.