Drinking and smoking weed is not the kind of drugs that make people bite other people in the face, and that’s not what most people mean when they say “so-and-so is on drugs.”

Facebiter is going to be walking down the street one day and suddenly there’s Beyonce with some Hot Sauce:

Considering she has publicly supported them and donated to them, very likely?

Whenever ever someone says it’s all part of God’s plan, God chuckles to himself and says “Free will is a bitch motherfuckers”

And more than only being worried that “he makes her LOOK bad,” I would hope that she has an actual moral aversion to swastikas* and people wearing them? Blatantly? At her shitty party?

My dad has a stepdaughter and if she ever comes to me and says ‘Hey, guess what, Dad and I are having a baby’, I will vomit up my entire skeleton and escalate from there.

I thought it was “The children of Lot 2: Incest Boogaloo”? Must be a different translation.

Ah yes, “The children of Lot 2: Electric Boogaloo”

No one? Really? Sure about that?

Once again, you do not understand what white feminism is, when you want to divorce the very thing that affords Cate Blanchett the privilege of being held to a different standard as a “feminist” than women of color are held to. Whether you “see the point” or not is irrelevant, because you’ve made it abundantly clear…

the women seem to get dragged extra hard. I don’t think it’s my imagination

Oh, thank Xenu!

Big takeaway for me is bombini is the cutest name for the cutest floofybees

I will always star an Archer reference.

Ok, but anyone see Candice Bergen’s Instagram profile description?

GROSS! “Hello, Hookworms! Get in my feet! Or whatever....kind of worms....will go in your feet.”

in my understanding they’ve been through court—then I’m a big believer in the justice system and setting legal precedence. If the case needs to be reopened then I am absolutely whole-heartedly in support of that, because I think that there’s one thing about social media is fantastic about raising awareness about…

Sister Rita retreats to her darkened rooms, locks the door behind her, and draws the shades. Then she removes her habit and pulls off her silicone mask, revealing her true identity- Taylor Swift. *sonos speakers blast “Look What You Made Me Do*

On behalf of her holiness Adstrada Patron Saint of Not Giving a Fuck: a missive on the ain’t shitness of Everlane to be read and discussed broadly.

I somehow got on a mailing list for all of Don’s “personal surveys” begging us to tell him that we all really love him. I fill them out, politely explaining why he’s an embarrassment to the Presidency, the U.S., and the entire human race, and—I know it’s petty, stupid, and pointless—when asked, “Is there anything else…