Sorry, Patrick, the correct title was “What is Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On Jeopardy! Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason”.

I think I can safely say that Brendan is the ultimate, platonic ideal of what it is to be a feminist.

Guys. Guys? Guys.

I have seen so many tabloid covers screaming about the rumored divorce of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt that news of their actual divorce hit me not like a ton of bricks, but like a gentle dusting of old, scraped off grout from in between a ton of bricks.

Is this shade? Do we need a shade court ruling?

Jewel’s response is lovely:

As I just told Molly with the Mediocre hair:

I liked “Do an inappropriate slapstick fall to the ground.” I feel like this could be a Buzzfeed quiz.

“What’s your personality type?/What type of pizza topping are you?/What internet meme are you?”

1 quiz question: Which of these deescalation tactics most appeal to you?

I pick slapstick and my result is…

No mention of the role she’s ACTUALLY best known for, Amy Pond from Doctor Who? FOR SHAME.

I asked you to keep our conversations private. Enjoy growing your unibrow.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. The Great British Bake Off is somehow the best show on TV. And I’m being serious.

I can’t believe 2016 is a real year that we’re all living through.

Fuck Mike Pence.

Jho Low is not linked to J Lo according to Le-o, but Lilo says yolo while eating a ho ho and this is all a no no.

What is this bullshit with holding a woman responsible for what a man does?

Greg Kinnear is the male Jennifer Garner.

That’s fucked up. I have pearls that my grandma gave me but I would never wear them on command. Ever.

Dont trust unattended brownies, people. They’re bad news.

I would call it more of a red flag with a blue X and white stars down the X, but let’s not get caught up in the minor details.