I went there the other day looking for tops. I tried on a few and put them back on the rack, and when the saleswoman asked me why I didn’t like them, I said they looked like maternity-wear on me. She said it was this thing they’re trying to do with long shirts over leggings. NO NO FUCKING NO. I don’t want that. Make…

Sometimes I find nothing at LB, sometimes I spend 600$. I go there less now that I’ve rediscovered Old Navy. At LB, I really like their boots. I know they’re not super quality but they cost $79.99 and they fit my damn 19” calves. They had a GREAT boot this year where the back half of the shaft was full elastic. I…

I feel like I’m being gaslighted by all of you who insist that all of the jeans are bedazzled, save one style. There are at least 10 totally normal and wearable styles, just on the first page of denim.

I don’t know, they last a lot longer than cheapo Old Navy jeans. And anyone paying full retail at Lane Bryant needs to evaluate because with all their sales, you should never have to.

Okay. I was just on the website today. And it aint all bad. The problem with LB (like everything else) is that you really need to go into the store. I’m not a girly girl, so I’m super picky about what fits and how I can look feminine without being girly. Check it:

I live in the Bay Area, in Silicon Valley, and I can tell you that the LB store at my local mall carries a lot of career clothes and lots of pieces from their higher end collections that you otherwise would have to order from them online. If you go out to Modesto, the LB out there carries way fewer and much more…

All of their tee shirts have this kind of bullshit on them. CAN I JUST HAVE A PLAIN BLACK TEE SHIRT?

Only because these checks keep bouncing.

I did a couple of years in prison for drug stuff. You would think that walking out of the prison a free man was the most liberating feeling I have ever had. Incorrect. The most liberated I have ever felt is when, after 6 years of doing some combination of all of these things listed EVERY TIME I DROVE THE CAR, I…

Can't hurt to try, pal (THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY AN AUTHORITY AND SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED LEGAL ADVICE—PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK).

I pity the dude who cruises Cheesecake Factory for hookers

I think the Pickle-Tip guy was a malfunctioning outer space robot from Mars. See, he heard, "Don't take any wooden nickles," and then glitched it into "don't take any wooden pickles," and then misinterpreted that to mean "The earth-humans demand gifts of pickles plaaced upon the wooden table. I have pleases Emperor…

One time when I was outside of a Cheesecake Factory smoking a cigarette a man propositioned me thinking I was a hooker.

I had a table once whisper loudly to their children, "if you don't go to college, you'll end up waiting tables like her..." while I was prebussing their table.

I doubt any of these people are self aware enough to recognize themselves in the stories. If anything, they might think "Hmm, this story kind of reminds me of the time I had that terrible server who wouldn't give me the popcorn I wanted".

Along the same lines as Becca's story about people making assumptions about educational backgrounds, I waited tables at an Italian chain restaurant that falls between Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill in terms of cost/quality the summer between college and law school. Our clientele was generally pretty decent, and as a…

Managers who don't stand up for their employees are THE WORST.

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

So....were the "Air Force" sons in Lawrence's story threatening to bomb San Francisco if this restaurant didn't give them a military discount? I'm trying figure out if they could have possibly meant anything else.