she’s just been constantly pregnant with the same child for ten years

“It had TWO muppet-like characters”

Classic. Relevant.

Make a note, anti-Spanish people: The US has no official language. It’s a fact. Also, if you have a problem with people speaking Spanish, you should probably leave California, and maybe just go ahead and leave the US altogether. Lots and lots of people speak Spanish here, probably because a huge portion of this…

Ever notice that the people yelling at others to speak English never have that great a grasp on it themselves?

Not to point out the obvious, but most Spanish people are marrying in their late 20s -30s (if at all). The increase in child marriages is due to changing immigration patterns as people seek asylum from countries where child marriage is the norm. (The Roma have long practiced very early marriage because of the cultural…

I’m so sick of this cliche nanny trope. Can’t we come up with a slightly more original lie, like Gavin and Ben were cheating on their wives with EACH OTHER. Oh, and Blake Shelton was in on it too.

Joaqa Joaqa.

Always a true and accurate statement, regardless of context.

Tried and true aphrodisics,ranked: 1. Gin.

It was a pretty nice dick, tbh. But I like looking at penises.

114 unread text messages?! Good god the bubble would drive me INSANE.

ZAYN DUMPED PERRIE AND LOUIS CONFIRMED THE BABY

What next?! That I’m supposed to cut my pockets open when a piece of thread is holding them closed?

I was at a Logan’s and the couple behind us were being so rude to the waitress, berating her and treating her like she was an idiot. She came to us next and you could tell she was upset even though she was very friendly and professional. My pregnancy hormones took over my mouth when I opened it to order my drink and…

Carla’s honeycomb ice cream story 😱😱😱😩😩😩

I had honey lavender ice cream yesterday. It was everything I needed my ice cream to be.

Actually, not necessarily true. I have many times warned customers away from a particular product. Usually it was actually because the product was bad.

It continues to amaze me that some customers think that people who professionally make coffee drinks don’t know how to make coffee drinks. Like a barista doesn’t know how to make a cappuccino?

Fuck. You. So. Hard. (says the man who had bland oatmeal for breakfast and is about to drown in drool)