Pork and ham? I guess he doesn’t keep kosher. Pita bread doesn’t make it a wrap, right? Because wraps are bullshit. And yes, I’m stalling. I probably would.

Kid Snerkadelic thinks thou dost protest a tad too much.

I wouldn’t bang Mark Cuban, but I would bang Robert Herjavic like a screen door in a hurricane. He has gorgeous blue eyes, seems nice, and he gets gooey over animals and kids whenever they’re on Shark Tank. In his Ferrari, in the back seat of my Civic, in a forest, on a beach, in a cheap motel or a penthouse suite,…

His face makes me violent.

He’s attractive, seems smart, is incredibly successful, and doesn’t take himself all that seriously. I WOULD SEX HIM IN A HEARTBEAT. On paper he’s better than 99.9999999% of all the other guys I’ve made the sex with (not including my hubby, of course!).

Being nude in a women’s spa among women of various shapes, sizes, colors, and ages is such a wonderful, body-positive experience. It really helps you learn to be comfortable in your own naked body with all of its imperfections. My mom, her best friend, her best friend’s daughter, and I go at least once a year on a…

I think the implication is that she was overly talkative because she was nervous about the trunk full of cocaine, not because she was high. But maybe she was also nervous because she was high, I don’t know.

With $134,000 worth of cocaine I would be flying over the border. Literally. Like no plane. Like as if I had wings. Like,like, like, like...

That is the single most widely applied critique of the Kardashians that I never, ever understand. They did not get famous for “doing nothing.” They got famous for signing on to do a reality show about their not-entirely-unknown family on a large television network. They got famous from being on TV, like thousands of…

I know, it’s like, “Be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do, but don’t do it in a way that crosses paths with my consciousness because that stirs up uncomfortable feelings inside me and I like things to be a certain kind of way, like when people I’m comfortable with are the only ones visible to me and…

You know, I think someone has to be first. I’m not saying Caitlyn Jenner is the first transgendered athlete or famous person or anything. But she’s been just about the most visible. She herself has acknowledged her privilege, and she is using it for good. I think she is doing a lot of positive stuff in terms of…

I find it amazing the hate that is being spewed about this. I get the issues, that it is someone famous and related to the dramabomb that is the Kardashians. On the flipside though, the fact that it is an Olympic athlete and not just some random person is doing more good than harm. If you don’t like it, don’t watch…

She’s an Olympic gold medalist and was on the Wheaties box forever, this isn’t her “15 minutes”

So being a rich and famous teen means you don’t get the protection and support you need from the adults around you. That means it’s okay for an older man to take advantage of you, because you are special and different. Nevermind that wealth, fame, and exposure do not make you inherently more mature or capable of…

I assume there are going to be other episodes where she’s nude except for a pope hat and nude except for a yarmulke. I mean why stop with being offensive to just one religion?

No. The lid always goes down. There is a lid for a reason, and that reason is to contain microscopic bacteria that spew all over the place when you flush the toilet. That is the only correct answer.

I have solved the eternal toilet seat debate: the person who cleans the toilet sets the default seat position. An elegant and just solution.

Since apparently this has become a forum for bitching about spouses:

I agree that the only real *justice* would be a lengthy prison sentence, perhaps for the remainder of his life considering how many victims there are.