What isn’t better than TMZ? TMZ is the 2015 Presidential election of gossip/news sites.

The only way to make him better would be with cybernetics.

Butbutbut... adorable goofy shark.

He’s green. He’s an elf, right?

Well, those parents are getting their children taken away from them.

Martinez, CA is part of the Bay Area. Its skyline is dominated by an oil refinery. It’s a little bit redneck, a little bit ghetto, and a little bit meth addict. It... is special.
PEOPLE OF MARTINEZ:
-A fellow with a pointy, floppy hat, a red nose, and a curly-cue beard fishtailing his VW microbus through a narrow…

Hey, if I can’t self-righteously wish ill upon people (who have already experienced misfortune), then how am I going to keep my ego at acceptible megalomaniacal levels?

It’s about as justified as nuking whole nations in the Middle-East, and rounding up local Muslims for slaughter.

So basically, Donald Trump wrote this comic.

And besides, Atlanteans are all terrorists, anyway. They should wipe out the whole lot of them.

Auto-reply is necessary if I am seeing a movie or something, because my family is psychotic. Once they called the police, certain that I had been murdered.

I really hope she says “Don’t fuck with a witch” in-game. I kind of want to see the controversy.

Try as I may, I’m never able to drink half of my body weight in water.

I’m going to use “Watching Lord of the Rings” as a euphemism from now on.

You... you neutered the article? Man, that’s harsh.

Typo - you wrote “hand” the first time you meant “Foot,” whihc is really amusing considering that you also point out the thematic link later.

Is this article glorifying violence against women?

That’ssssssss a nicccce phone you’ve got there...

Dude, that’s a great idea! Building on that - 100% federal estate tax, 30% state estate tax. And why? So that this way, instead of greedy relatives waiting for their elderly parents to die, they will actually MOURN the death!

Liar liar, pants on fire.
Which might be literal, considering everything.

Power windows and locks.
“It’s just more electronic parts to break!”