Mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyybe

Clearly, that was a hint.

My Dad lives in Vegas. The last time I visited, we all went to the slots:
-My aunt won $20,000
-My dad went to the buffet
-I put $5 in a slot machine, and the machine broke.

That’s inhumane. My dad only ate my food when I wanted it, to teach me how to “share.”

I know this sounds awful, but could some of it be menopause some of the time? My mother became a differentl rage-filled person during those years, and then reverted back to sweetness, and it was purely what the crazy horones were doing to her body.

I prefer to think of them as “upper-middle-class white people and rednecks.” Because let’s be honest, nine times out of ten...

Taco Bell, or... TACO HELL?!?!

Then grow a spine and deal with your kids.*

*Through a long process of teaching and training them to become adults, with the knowledge that thigns will try your patience.

Divorce her, and then use the unfairness of the court to leave her with nothing.

Whenever I send food back, it has to be really messed up, and I preference it with “I’m sorry, I know it’s not your fault, but...” and I say “Please.” And then “Thank you.” BECAUSE I AM A DECENT HUMAN BEING WITH MANNERS.

I tried it once. Said dick screamed at me louder than at the servers, and threw a saltshaker at me. Then yelled at the servers with increasing nastiness and impatience.

Pinkham’s Law bet: Somebody will try to justify stealing the tips with a big screed about how they don’t believe in tipping, because in Europe servers re paid more.

I’m pretty sure that the tip-stealing guy justified it with, “Well, tips are stupid! At least this way the money goes to actual WORK for the food!”

blech.

Okay, to counter all of this, here is my cat again. Sure, she’s a whiny customer who punches you when she wants food, but she’s pwecious!

I was going to post something funny, but then I saw the Starbucks guy, and imagined my hands closing around his throat, squeezing until the light leaves his eyes.

I NEED HELP.

I really hope there’s a video, but I haven’t searched. I remember that there was a Kinnikuman-themed set of matches a while back, though.

No it’s not, because apparently in this game, you can make money and fame as a computer programmer.

*ahem*

You forgot the twin exclamation marks. He isn’t just saying it he’s screaming it to the heavens. “I FEEL ASLEEP!!”

My friends and I have tried to find new, exciting, melodromatic ways to deliver this line for years. It should be required in all acting classes.