We Found Matt Patricia’s Sexual Assault Indictment In 30 Seconds. Why Didn’t The Detroit Lions?

The Lions don’t usually do anything in first place

Not a lot of sizzle with this steak.

Shaq: “Also put cheese around and inside everything.”

Well, maybe if you had put a little more effort into winning the Revolutionary War, this wouldn’t have happened, old chap.

Holy shit. Let’s fucking list the championships this poor soul has had to endure in his lifetime:

Wow, you won and are still pretending to be the victim. Really great job living down to the stereotype.

You’re the most insufferable fan base because you feel compelled to post shit like this. You are not the underdog by any stretch of the imagination, you’re the fucking Cobra Kai of the NFL. No one likes you because you go out of your way to be unlikable.

All you idiots have such a fucking complex. Jesus Christ. “All your hate will never change history.”

First off, shut the fuck up. Second, if someone could sniff their own fart in comment form, this is it. Third, shut the fuck up.

We hate you because you are 53 years old and you say things like,

I think your point is generally a good one. This is not the best example, imho. While I do not think that threatening not to do their jobs is appropriate of ANY government worker based upon a citizen exercising his first amendment rights, I do think that police are not off base in being outraged by this. Activism,…

Thanks, I’m a fan. Your food articles are sorely missed. How about ungreying me?

May we never forget Alex Semin and his bongo drums.

To be fair, your overly sensitive (is there any other kind?) feminism makes you attractive to 0% of men and 100% of cis Jezebel readers.

He's got money and fame. That should make him attractive to 80% of women.

Wow. If voodoo economics can’t work in Louisiana...

A deeply mediocre team quarterbacked by Nick Foles isn’t exactly a big draw for the citizens of Los Angeles

You must be the new guy.

Can’t slip anything past you.