It’s also charmingly anachronistic that the dimensions of literally every MLB park are different, but that seems to bother exactly no one.

And then bears ate all children and blood covered cave. Good night.

DREAM JOB

No worries. All good. I'm more frustrated that I've been relegated to the grays for disagreeing with Burneko.

Friendly reminder: No one on this planet or any other gives .01% of a fuck about how this affects your fantasy team.

You can’t blame Beckham for thinking Merton Hanks will stick his neck out for him.

And we’ll never see the suit that Ray Lewis wore during last night’s pregame again.

Under Bobby Jindal’s governorship, Louisiana has hacked-n-slashed taxes and relied on “rainy day” funds to keep the state afloat.

Watt is annoying to people because, despite being a great football player, he has this immature need for people to see him as things that he is clearly not. He wants to be seen as a rugged mountain man in the woods, living in an austere cabin. He wants to be a devil-may-care tough guy, spitting on the Patriots logo at…

Horrible, yes, but why is it racist?

I live in NOLA and went through Katrina. Was exiled for a year in Houston. Watched my children cry themselves to sleep at night because they couldn’t go home.

I have an idea that might fix all of this. It might sound crazy, but we have to do something about these incidents. So just hear me out.

Wait, what? Why would I be banned?

What is it about the NFL that so often puts the focus on the procedural bullshit like this more so than on the athletes and games themselves? Is the sport just bureaucratically clusterfucked by nature? Is it the ineptitude of the people currently running the sport? Is it the Morts and Schefties and Peter Kings of the…

I really don’t like the fumbling out of the end zone for a touchback rule. It pretty much only ever happens to hilariously bad teams, so it’s easy to ignore, but it feels completely out of sync with the rest of the game. Out of the back of the end zone I can kind of tolerate, but when it goes out the side, like with…

House GOP: [elects Matt Williams Speaker]

Why does Cam Newton always look like a Madden video game character in game photos?

His role in the incident? It looks to me like his sole role was having an easily accessible neck.

In related news, the Vatican Cinnabon franchise, PapalBon, has seen a 60% increase in web traffic.

What suit?