Uh, no. Penn State Football is much more important. You can transfer a priest to another diocese, but a good defensive coordinator? They don't grow on trees, you know.

the “semi final game,” huh?

While i agree it would have been nice if the expansion divisions had had 3 original 6 teams and 3 expansion teams each, among other things the geography wouldn’t really have allowed it...and so while it’s a little bullshit that powerhouse squads from the original 6 were all of a sudden eliminated in the semis, and a…

I have reviewed 250 porn flicks and have dertmined that women like to be treated like...

Counter-counter-counter-counter point:

Some friendly St. Louisan should get him a ticket for the next round and surreptitiously film him the whole time. I’d watch.

I mean, you literally just suggested a bachelor party followed by a normal party.

1: You’re marrying a stripper.

The truth of the matter is, trying to combine disparate groups will require a little more work on your end.

If you’re still young enough to give a shit about strip clubs, you’re too young to be getting married.

I had to do that in high school overseas to earn money for a high school club trip. It sucked bagging beer and chips for the Joes at the AAFES shoppette on Saturday nights for a month. But we made good money. And the club trip was to Amsterdam. So there was that....

Millennials won’t remember this but Dale Earnhardt once gave a mustache ride to Nancy Reagan.

I also asked a Brooklyn-based bartender if anyone has ever ordered a “vodka Diet Coke” from him in his many years of bartending. His reply: “Never. Not once. Because it’s not a cocktail.”

What if there was an all-time moment, like a walk-off grand slam to end a World Series or somebody hitting a full-court shot at the buzzer to win the NBA finals ... but it was in game four of a series sweep? Would it be replayed as often and likened to similar moments in non-blowout series...?

It really is funny how serious the whole baby naming thing has become. We’ve had friends that had settled on a name only to go back to the drawing board the second they found out a friend of a friend of a friend gave their kid the same name. My sole criteria for naming my son was simple: give him a name that won’t get…

The only time I've ever liked other people bagging my stuff was when I was overseas in the service, when the military brats would go to the commissary after school to bag and take groceries to your car in exchange for tips, and I could scope out the teen girl butts.

In the checkout, cold things go with other cold things. Boxes go with other boxes. The stuff that can be broken and smushed needs to be bagged last. Whatever embarrassing thing I have to buy is hidden in the middle between the boxes and the milk/juice, so people don’t realize my shame.

I think it’ll be fun to fuck with people on the internet by prefacing everything with “Millennials won’t remember but...” and just make shit up.

an adult brawl at a Florida Little League game

Manziel says he and Gordon are testing themselves and staying positive.